Over-Personalisation & Paranoia

The world is against me!

It is very common for depression to narrow your focus so much that you find yourself feeling like the world and other people are out to get you. When someone is in a bad mood, you're sure it's because of something you did, or just because they don't really like you!

It's all my fault!

Likewise, this narrow perspective can lead you to take too much responsibility for things, feeling like everything is down to you or it's all your fault when things aren't going right.

Downward spiral

Thinking like this is in itself rather depressing. It affects your behaviour, which in turn does affect how people respond to you, sometimes giving you "proof" that you were right all along... A classic part of the depression habit spiral.

Exercises

• Check whether or not you might tend towards paranoid thinking:

  • Do you keep checking for subtle "signs" of other people's moods?
  • Do you think people like sales assistants are grumpier with you than with others?
  • Do you often think that groups of people have been talking about you?
  • Do you feel that people are deliberately avoiding or excluding you?
  • Do you set up little "tests" for people to prove themselves trustworthy?
  If you have answered yes to several of these then you may well be taking things too personally.
  
  

• Think of non-paranoid explanations

  It can be quite difficult to prove yourself right or wrong about paranoid thinking. It's better to start by imagining what other explanations there might be for someone's behaviour. Make a list of several other options - you don't need to believe them, but it helps to demonstrate that there are other ways of seeing it.
  
  

• Communicate directly

  Where possible, try to communicate directly with the people concerned, rather than trying to 'decode' signals. If you're thinking someone is upset with you, rather than confronting them with a yes/no question, ask them how they are feeling and whether there's anything on their mind. It may help to work on practising positive habits like assertiveness and social skills.
  
  

• Blaming yourself doesn't give you more control!

  Believing that you are at fault all the time is a form of superstitious thinking - it reflects an underlying expectation that somehow if you take on the responsibility for all relationships and all moods then you can stay in control and make things okay. Get into the habit of listing all the people who have at least some responsibility in any given situation (there are almost always more than one!)
  
  

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