Real Student Stories

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Picture of Anna Tasha had noticed a regular pattern of mood swings during her teens, but was only recently diagnosed officially with bipolar disorder. She has learnt self-help strategies to supplement medication... more > >

Also in "Tackling Depression"...

“It is so easy to be self-indulgent and want to be only with yourself, thinking you're the only person who can ever understand what you're going through. Having that contact with people is vital to keep you motivated.” Ben

“I think that people should try to speak to those they trust and love about how they feel even if in the beginning they don't seem to understand. When I was always sad, I never talked to people and remained alone and therefore depressed. In the moments when I got over my sadness or fears and talked to people then I felt proud of myself. When I feel good about myself in this way I don't feel sad anymore.” Elena

Students Against Depression
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Building Support Networks

Escape

Isolation breeds depression

It is much easier for depression to take over when you are isolated and out of touch with others. Building relationships and support networks has been shown to offer significant help against depression*.

Build a varied support network

A good support network has a variety of people you can turn to when you need to:

friends (at uni and back home)
family
personal tutors
student union reps
student services staff, and so on.

Different people offer different kinds of support. Some friends are good for doing things with and distractions, others are good for listening and understanding. Some things are best dealt with by a professional.

Step 1: Check whether depressed thinking is keeping you isolated

Any of the following sound familiar?

"I can't let anyone see how I really feel, because no one will want to know me anymore/I'll be a burden/people will let me down"
"No one really likes me anyway, so what's the point?"
"People see me as a cheerful/strong/competent person and they won't cope/I can't bear it if they see that I'm not like that really"
Spot the excellent examples of depressed thinking: all-or-nothing thinking, perfectionism, self-bullying, disappointment insurance and over-personalisation!

Step 2: Practise a kinder, more realistic perspective

Imagine what a good friend or 'guardian angel' might suggest you say instead:

"Most people would like to do what they can to support someone who isn't feeling great, and my friends/family can tell me if and when they need a break."
"There will always be some people who are more compatible as friends than others, so I need to think about who I feel most comfortable with and develop those friendships, instead of expecting to be liked by everybody."
"Relationships and friendships are much more meaningful when they allow more than just the surface self to be shown."
"I can't expect my friends/family to be the perfect source of support, but I can help them give me some of what I need."

Step 3: Make a list

Brainstorm everyone you can think of who could potentially be part of your network. Include people to have fun with, people to study with, people at home or elsewhere away from uni, people to talk to, people you live with, people in your academic department, student union and student services staff and anyone else you can think of. Remember to challenge any depressed thinking getting in the way.

Step 4: Be realistic about what each can offer

Not everyone understands about how depression works, so if your friends or housemates are keen to be supportive, help them out by giving them some info - you could print a copy of the worried about someone else? page, or they could read parts of this website, for example.

Step 5: Start making connections

Sometimes it is easier to get support from new people - check out your student union welfare office for what they offer directly in the way of support, but also to find out what activities and societies are available. It may feel easier to let go of some of your concerns when you're in a new environment and amongst people who don't know you very well. Treat it as an experiment - there is nothing to lose if it doesn't work out.

practising positive habits > >

Links

More about why support networks are important: depression sociology , a depression-inducing society?
More about how depression works and tackling depression
More about making friends and building relationships: practising positive habits , social skills , relationship skills .
More ideas for who to include in your network: getting support and help , what's stopping me getting help?
More info for friends and family: worried about someone else? , talking to someone , peer support
Check page references (*): references and sources

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