Real Student Stories

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Picture of Anna Body images issues and her sister's serious mental health problems led to food problems and depression from Anala's early teens. She resisted taking medication and has only recently started to seek help... more > >

Also in "Tackling Depression"...

"My counsellor helped me to see how to use all my bottled up anger in constructive ways. I control it now by going out for a run or to the gym. Even, God forbid, doing some work! I cleaned our flat from top to bottom the other week, and my flat mate asked me what the **** I was doing!" Darren

“I had thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't enjoy socialising in big crowds. I thought that was what uni was all about, so I should be enjoying it. I learned a lot about myself, that maybe I was just a "homebody" rather than someone who liked big stupid parties - and that was okay.” Kristy

“Although I knew that I had had some negative experiences which were affecting me, at the time I just felt so ungrateful. It felt like there was so much worse going on the world than me being treated badly. I didn't know at the time how to feel that it was okay for me to feel upset and angry sometimes.” Anna

Students Against Depression
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Managing Stress Levels

Freewheeling This is an important longer-term strategy for resisting depression.

Stress, anger and anxiety

How we habitually deal with stress plays an important role in our vulnerability to depression. Certain depressed thinking habits make us particularly vulnerable also to anxiety or anger spirals, which in turn contribute to the depression habit spiral.

Control - the holy grail

Anxiety and anger spirals arise mainly from the kinds of depressed thinking which focus on imposing unrealistic control over life: rule-bound thinking, control freakery, catastrophising, hyper-vigilance and avoidance. See the page on stress, anxiety and anger for more details.

Managing stress better

Stress itself cannot be avoided, and certain levels of 'anxiety' are necessary in order for us to function in the world. If you had no anxiety about your exams you probably wouldn't bother with any revision at all! Anger is also important for helping us defend ourselves from attack, for example. The key is to learn how to manage your stress levels better, so that anxiety and anger are channelled constructively.

Strategies

Identify relevant depressed thinking habits
- Anxious and angry spirals work in the same way as the depression habit spiral, with anxious and angry thinking habits having an effect on your behaviour, brain chemicals and mood.
- Use the strategies for challenging depressed thinking to identify whether your attempts to impose control in your life have led to any of the habits relevant to anxiety and/or anger.
Learn about constructive control
- Having a constructive approach to control in life is like riding a bicycle...
- If you don't try to steer and never use the brakes you give yourself a pretty dangerous ride. But if you brake too hard (ie. want to impose too much control) you'll probably get thrown over the handlebars!
- If you let yourself balance without thinking about it too hard, and use the brakes and gears appropriately, the bike becomes an extension of your body and riding it can feel almost effortless.
- Try to practise "going with the flow" of life in the same way, putting effort in when needed, freewheeling when there's a downhill stretch and "putting the brakes on" gently and in good time without panicking...
Apply this to control-focused thinking habits
- Make a list of the "shoulds" and "oughts" you impose on yourself and the world.
- Practise changing these from demands you make of yourself and the world to "preferences" which may or may not be fulfilled.
  "I have to pass this exam or my life will be ruined" becomes "I would really like to pass this exam, but if I don't I will have to explore other options like re-sits, or re-doing the year. That won't be great, so I'll do what I can now to try to pass."
- Think about practical ways you can help yourself manage the disappointments when your preferences are not met. See also challenging disappointment insurance.
Learn breathing and relaxation techniques
- Deep breathing techniques intervene directly into the anxiety/anger spiral by countering the hyperventilation which causes light-headedness, slowing down the heart beat and giving your brain more relaxed rather than anxious/angry messages.
- Learn more about deep breathing and make a daily habit of practising the techniques on the relaxation page. This helps you to manage stress on a daily basis as well as honing your skills for use when you are feeling particularly stressed.
Address your fears
- Make a list of your fears and grade them in order of difficulty.
- Starting with one of the more manageable ones, challenge yourself to have a go at dealing with it constructively instead of avoiding it.
- Ask yourself what is the worst thing that could happen and plan for how you would deal with it in practical ways if it did happen.
- Notice which depressed thinking habits are getting in your way.
- Make sure you are properly supported. Either ask a friend or get professional support, especially as you proceed to more difficult things on your list.
- Read Feel the fear and do it anyway (see books page)
Learn anger management skills
- Make a list of the things that make you angry and grade them in order of importance.
- Starting with one of the less important ones, think about what you can control in the situation. Usually at the very least you can choose your own attitude or response to the situation.
- Consider how you might let go of the need to control the aspects that you can't control.
- Notice whether depressed thinking habits are getting in your way.
- Think about practical ways to communicate the anger effectively or else channel the adrenalin in other ways, like through exercise.
Practise positive habits for channelling strong feelings
- Build more exercise into your life so as to use up some of the adrenalin you produce through hyper-vigilance or high anger levels.
- Learn about assertive communication and put it into practice in your life in general, not just when you are angry or anxious.
- Use the energy to go and make a difference in the world! Volunteer to help others less fortunate, get together with other students to campaign against depression-inducing practices (or anything else that bugs you)... Try out things that might give a sense of meaning to your life.