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story archive >> '; document.getElementById('storyimage').src='images/anna100.jpg';">Picture of Anna A homophobic upbringing meant Craig struggled to come out to his parents and to fully accept himself, leading eventually to drug and alcohol addiction. Inpatient rehab helped him return to uni… more > >
“In the beginning I felt a bit ashamed but I also wanted people to see. It was a way of showing people - yeah, I do feel so sad; I do feel so bad. Maybe it was a way of getting over my fear too, because I always felt it was a sign of weakness to be afraid. Cutting myself made me feel that I was strong.” Elena
Students Against Depression
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Self Harm
It is very common for the depression habit spiral to include increasingly self-neglectful behaviour, like declining attention to eating, hygiene or physical appearance and self-destructive behaviour such as binge eating, self-starving, binge drinking or over-exercising. The depressed thinking habit of self-bullying can also lead to various forms of physical self-bullying or "self harm".
The term "self harm" usually refers to deliberately self-inflicted pain. Most commonly this is done by cutting oneself, but could also include self-inflicted burns, grazes, bruising, and so on.
Self harm can be very difficult for others to understand and can be experienced as deeply shocking by family and friends. This bewilderment may lead them to react with anger or condemnation. Strong mixed feelings can also be experienced by the person self harming: bewilderment, shame, relief and triumph may all be part of the experience.
Self-harm is an issue distinct from suicide - the inflicting of pain has its own purpose and is not usually intended as a suicide attempt. However, someone who self-harms may also think about or attempt suicide. It is a myth that self-harmers are "just attention-seekers" and not at risk of suicide.
There are many theories about what prompts and sustains a habit of self-harming. People who self harm can themselves find it quite difficult to explain. Some say that the physical pain seems to wipe out the mental pain for a while. An act of self harm can also come to carry an intense mixture of symbolic meanings - self-punishment, but also a mark of courage; a physical manifestation of inner pain for self and/or others to see; something to hide, but also something with which to shock and hurt others...
Self harming can often have quite an addictive quality. One theory is that, as with any other pain, the body releases a rush of its natural pain-killing "feel good" hormones, endorphins. This together with the powerful symbolic meanings can lead to a very addictive habit.
Some would describe their self harming habit as a coping mechanism. A way to release the build up of inner pain and tension, a way to express feelings and even a way to distract oneself. Many of the strategies for tackling depression listed on this site offer alternative positive habits which can slowly take the place of self harm as more constructive coping mechanisms. Most directly, learning habits of self care can help to build up resistance to the addictive habit of self harm.