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File: Date: Wed, 07 Jan 2009 02:07:33 GMT Server: Apache/2.0.40 (Red Hat Linux) Accept-Ranges: bytes X-Powered-By: PHP/4.3.2 Connection: close Content-Type: text/html Worried About Someone Else? - Students Against Depression Jump to content

Real Student Stories

Picture of a student Meet Andy

Picture of Tomas story archive >> '; document.getElementById('storyimage').src='images/anna100.jpg';">

Picture of Anna After bouts of depression during 6th form and at uni, Andy found counselling to be a revelation despite initial scepticism, helping him recognise how earlier experiences had affected him... more > >

Also in "Getting Support & Help"...

"All I wanted was for someone to listen to what I was concerned about, and for them to try and help me. I didn't expect them to necessarily understand everything, nor to agree with me all of the time, but to simply listen and acknowledge that I was in deep emotional pain." Mike

"Every time someone said, "Oh just cheer up, it'll get better!" I wanted to smack them. What did help was my boyfriend saying, "You know what? You're right. It really sucks this situation you're in." Kristy

"Only because my friend was telling me things he hadn't told anybody, I started to trust him. He made me promise that I wouldn't do anything and making that promise really helped." Becky

Students Against Depression
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Worried About Someone Else?

If you think someone is in immediate danger, don't carry the burden alone -
GET HELP NOW! (See Desperate Right Now? page for ideas)

What can I do to help?

Know the warning signs
Read the section on how depression works and see if the person you are worried about persistently displays any of the warning signs of depression.
Communicate your concern
Isolation and lack of support are key factors in depression. Letting the person know you are worried could be a key first step in breaking that isolation.
Be realistic about what you can offer
Be realistic with yourself and honest with the person about what your limits are. Depression is best dealt with by a professional. Don't take on more than you can handle. Being clear about when and how you are available makes it easier to avoid blow ups or burn out.
Be both sensitive and persistent
Depression affects a person's thinking patterns and sense of perspective. They may be unaware that they are affected or at risk. Don't be surprised if their initial response is abrupt or rejecting. Do persevere in showing you care.
Help build a support network
It is unwise to find yourself the sole source of support. Make it clear that you cannot carry the burden of support alone. Make sure that the person starts to build a support network of friends and family, as well as other appropriate help.
Encourage professional help
Help the person to identify and approach the available sources of professional and other local help - university health centre or local GP doctor , counselling service , student union welfare or other peer support programme, academic pastoral support system, mentoring schemes etc.
Ask the person what would be helpful
Don't assume you know what would be most helpful - help which is respectfully negotiated is much more likely to be taken up.
Learn about depression
It is not possible to "snap out" of depression and there are no simple solutions. Read about strategies for tackling depression on this site or in one of the books listed . Pass on what you have learnt and help the person find what works for them.
You can ask about suicidal thoughts
If you are at all concerned about this, don't be afraid to ask the person directly whether they have any suicidal thoughts. Contrary to popular belief, this is unlikely to "put ideas in their head" but may well offer them the relief of being allowed to talk about a taboo subject. However, do not feel you have to do this - it can be very shocking and disturbing to hear about a loved one's suicidal thoughts. Also, never agree to keep it to yourself. Suicidal thinking is serious and needs professional support.
Get support for yourself
Remind yourself that you cannot take on responsibility for keeping another person safe or making them happy - that responsibility is ultimately theirs. Make sure you are properly supported. It can be extremely stressful living with or caring about a person affected by depression.