Depressed Thinking

What are your thinking habits?

Depression flourishes where narrowed thinking habits have developed, and depression in turn perpetuates these unhelpful "depressed thinking" habits, reinforcing itself.

The most common depressed thinking habits are:

1. All-or-nothing thinking

   Some people pride themselves on being "all-or-nothing" people, believing that this represents strength and certainty. However, a strong habit of all-or-nothing or rigid thinking offers a wide open door to depression. This is because when "all" is not available (ie. most of the time!), it feels as if what's left is "nothing".

   Examples:

   "I'm not totally in control" = "I'm chaotically out of control"
   "I'm not perfectly safe" = "I am unsafe and insecure"
   "I didn't come top of the class" = "I'm a complete failure"
   "I'm not liked by everyone" = "I am horrible"
   

   But the reality is that reasonable levels of safety or some measure of control are possible, there are different levels of success and it is unrealistic to expect universal popularity - there is almost always a "middle ground" to be found.

   Tackling all-or-nothing thinking is important because it forms an element of most depressed thinking habits. The dangerous habit of thinking about suicide is the ultimate all-or-nothing thinking habit.

    

2. Perfectionism

   Setting high standards for oneself, aiming high, only wanting to do one's best... Seemingly worthy principles, but also risky when unrealistic! Perfectionism is a particularly dangerous form of all-or-nothing thinking. Unrealistically high standards lead to:

   • constant experiences of demoralising and depressing failure
   • the habit of procrastination
   • underachievement
   • depressing guilt
   • the habit of self-bullying.

    

3. Self-bullying*

   Being overly self-critical and hard on yourself (no matter how much you believe you "deserve" this treatment) is another way to invite depression into your life. The habit often starts as a form of self-protection - trying to catch your own mistakes before anyone else sees them - but can quickly develop into corrosive self-destruction instead.

    

4. Disappointment insurance or cynicism

   "If I don't expect much then I won't be disappointed" = a recipe for depression. The more you practise this approach to life, the more negative, pessimistic and cynical your outlook becomes, and the less there is to hope for or be happy about. All of this and it doesn't even work very well! Nothing can completely protect us from disappointment in life, but we can learn ways to manage our disappointments, get over them and move on.

    

5. Superstitious thinking

   Disappointment insurance is sometimes superstitious too - an irrational belief that because you allow yourself to hope your hope will be dashed. It is similarly superstitious to believe that allowing yourself to be justly proud of an achievement, or happy in a relationship, or hopeful of some future success, will in some way "jinx" you and lead to disappointment, abandonment or failure. Superstition is about trying to control the uncontrollable, instead of accepting the uncertainty and living with it.

    

6. Over-personalisation and paranoid thinking

   It is very common for depression to narrow your focus so much that you find yourself over-personalising outside events or the actions of others. For example, instantly believing that your friend's worried look means they're angry with you (rather than behind on an essay), or feeling as if the lousy weather is somehow directed at you. This can often lead back to further self-blame and self-bullying.

    

And many more...

More depressed thinking habits related to stress, uncertainty and control are listed on the stress, anxiety and anger page. Identifying and challenging those listed here is a good place to start. You can find out more in the excellent book Overcoming Depression by Paul Gilbert - the term "self-bullying" comes from this book (see books page).

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