Disappointment Insurance

Avoiding disappointment at all costs

"If I don't hope for too much, then I won't be disappointed." It sounds innocuous, and you hear it all the time. But what does it really mean?

Dodgy insurance

This is the kind of insurance policy that has you paying out huge sums every month in case a meteor strikes - then when you read the small print you realise that it'll only pay out if the disaster happens on a Tuesdays between 9.15 and 9.17 when you're wearing green underwear! Meanwhile you've gone bankrupt due to the extortionate payments...

Hope is essential

Don't allow depression the dodgy insurance salesman to rob you of your hope in this way. It doesn't work! Yes, disappointments can be painful, but investing hope and energy in our lives is essential. And disappointments can be managed...

Exercises

Which disappointments would be worst?
Make a list of the disappointments you think you need to protect yourself from. Rank them in order from which would be least difficult to cope with to which would be the hardest. This in itself helps to remind you that not all disappointment is equally "awful".
What are you missing out on?
Now look at the less important ones on your list. Ask yourself what other things you are sacrificing in your life in order to protect yourself from these disappointments.
- An example
  You may feel you need to protect yourself from being let down by friends, so you don't tell them anything about how you're feeling. This leaves you feeling more and more isolated, and ironically you end up feeling let down by your friends anyway because they haven't noticed that you're not okay...! Even if your friends didn't give you all the support you needed, you'd still be missing out on lots of potential support, interaction and friendship.
Is it worth it?
Look at your list and ask yourself whether it is really worth keeping yourself depressed and unhappy in order to try (usually unsuccessfully) to prevent these possible disappointments?
Are you really that bad at coping with disappointment?
Think back to other disappointments you have had in your life and evaluate your level of coping - you are almost certain to have coped better than you now expect yourself to cope with disappointments.
Take a small risk
Choose one of the less challenging things on your list first and decide what step you can take to take a small risk and invest some energy in this area of your life. Build up from here to start re-investing hope in your life.
Ban the word 'boring'
Evaluate the attitudes of your social circle. Is it seen as "cool" to be cynical and hyper-critical about everything? Make a deal with yourself to ban the word "boring", so that you have to come up with more considered opinions about things.