Learning Self Care

Depression encourages self-neglect

The depressed thinking habit of self-bullying is often accompanied by self-neglectful or self-destructive behaviours, such as poor eating and hygiene habits, or binge drinking. It can also lead to physical self-bullying or self harm.

Downward spiral of self-destructiveness

Physical self-neglect or self-destructiveness can be a strong contributor to the downward depression habit spiral, lowering your mood and intensifying self-loathing. In this context, physical self harm can become entrenched as a destructively addictive "coping mechanism".

Self caring habits break into the spiral

Building up a programme of self caring habits interrupts this vicious downward spiral. Don't wait to feel like you "deserve" it or are "worth it" - just give it a go!

Strategies

• Make a programme of basic self care tasks

  • Give yourself basic self-care goals for the start of each day: getting up and having a shower (and shave, if relevant), eating breakfast, getting dressed into outdoor clothes even if you don't plan on going out.
  • Give yourself recognition for achieving these tasks in the face of the lethargy that depression brings.

• Increase body awareness and physical self care

  • Use your daily washing ritual as an opportunity to focus on your body. Be gentle and soothing when soaping yourself. For example, pat on after-shave instead of slapping it on.
  • Give yourself a regular "pamper" session. Take a relaxing bath instead of a shower. Rub in lotion from head to toe, taking your time and doing it with gentle care.
  • Practise relaxation techniques daily. Take up yoga or pilates, or any other gentle form of exercise which helps you to "tune in" to your breathing and your body.

• Check depressed thinking habits

  • Are depressed thinking habits getting in the way of your trying these self care exercises? Check for self-bullying and perfectionism in particular.
  • If your self-bullying has led to entrenched body image problems or eating disorders then check out how a counsellor or doctor can provide professional help.

• Pay attention to your surroundings

  • Make an effort to tidy up your room. Do it a little at a time - it can be a good distraction technique. Or if it feels like too big a job, get a friend to help you.
  • Make your room a comfortable, welcoming place. Put up posters of calming natural scenery. Get a few brightly coloured cushions for your bed. Get a plant. Put up photographs of family and friends to remind you of your support network. Include some photos of you having a good time.
  • Likewise choose nature scenes or photos of friends for your computer screensaver or desktop.

• Benefit from massage

  • Soothing touch can be powerfully restorative and healing. Massage can increase "feel good" brain chemicals, contributing to a reversal of the depression habit spiral.
  • Some doctors or counselling services can make referrals for massage.
  • If you can't get a referral or afford a professional massage, then swap foot or shoulder rubs with a friend.
  • Self massage can be very effective: gently and slowly squeeze along your shoulder and neck as you breathe deeply in and out; massage each hand in turn.

• Practise constructive ways to express feelings

  • Experiment with different ways to express feelings when they seem to be building up inside, to see what works for you.
  • Keeping a diary can be a useful habit for getting feelings 'out'. Just write it all down without censorship, then close it and put it away. Or it might be helpful to do something symbolic like writing it all down then scribbling it out or tearing it up.
  • Vigorous activity or exercise can be another helpful way to get rid of pent up feelings.

• Get out into natural surroundings

  • Most people recognise the sense of "rightness" or inner peace that can be found in connecting with the natural world: watching a beautiful sunset, listening to a babbling brook, breathing in the smell of new-mown grass on a summers evening.
  • Modern lifestyles can mean that these experiences are all too rare. Do what you can to get out into natural surroundings as often as possible - even if it's an urban park or canal tow-path.

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