Perfectionism

What's so wrong with perfectionism, anyway?

Do you secretly pride yourself on being a perfectionist? It may even be quite hard to recognise what's so "wrong" with perfectionism - after all, doesn't everyone always say, "As long as you've done your best..."?

Constant failure

A perfectionist never feels that they have done their best, though. Constantly falling short of your own expectations is demoralising and self-damaging. Depression loves a perfectionist!

Exercises

• Check whether you have perfectionist tendencies by asking yourself:

  • Do I procrastinate excessively?
  • Are the goals I set myself realistic and achievable?
  • Do I feel like it's a disaster when things aren't "just right"?
  • Do I often feel guilty?
  • Am I often self-critical and hard on myself?

• Practise setting more realistic goals:

  1. Acknowledge what the "ideal" outcome would be.
  2. Then decide what would be a more realistic, "good enough" outcome.
  3. Plan how to achieve this realistic outcome by dividing the task into small, manageable steps (eg a daily goal).
  4. Adjust your plan as you go along by constantly re-evaluating how realistic you are being.
     An example
     Your ideal outcome for your degree might be to get a starred first-class degree. If you have been getting high 2.2s and low 2.1s for course work then you might need to make a more realistic, 'good enough' goal of getting a good 2.1 for your degree. This can be broken up into realistic goals for what you want to achieve with each piece of course work, and into smaller steps by planning realistic amounts of work each day (balanced with time off, socialising, sleep etc). You can readjust your daily work plan to make it more realistic if you have initially been over-optimistic about what you could manage in a day.

• How did you get into the perfectionist habit?

  If setting realistic goals feels very difficult, try to think about what has got you into the habit of believing that perfectionism is the only option. Look at why me?, especially the depression psychology section, to get started.

• What are your 'internal rules'?

  Identify your "shoulds" and "oughts" (or internal rules). Think about whether some of these rules can be relaxed a little.

  For example:
  "I must get a brilliant first because I have always done well and everyone expects it of me" becomes "It would be nice to get a first, but it will still be a good achievement to get a good 2.1. My family is already proud of me for being at university".

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